Marissa's Guide to Indie Kid Photography

If you're an indie kid, or an aspiring indie kid, you know how important photography is to your image. You can spend all the time in the world at Whole Foods, record stores, and independent film festivals, but if you don't have photographs documenting those events, you might as well hang up your slouchy hat and leave behind your indie kid-ness forever. I know leaving that isn't your cup of tea or free trade coffee, so I've assembled a fool-proof guide to indie kid photography.

Marissa's Fool-Proof Guide to Indie Kid Photography

1. Indie kid photography is all about idealism. Just keep that in mind.
2. Don't use mainstream words when referring to your photography. Go ahead and purge words like "picture" from your vocabulary; replace them with words such as "photo" or "still image."
3. The type of camera you use is important, but mostly just for the purposes of name-dropping and mirror shots. For such purposes, just keep the acronym BOB in mind while shopping: Bigger. Older. Better. For any other purposes, any type of camera will do.
4. Color is important. Just remember rule # 1. Make sure you set your camera to any color besides "normal." Another option is editing your photos after you snap them. Vintage color is the best, but even just fading the normal color a little bit will do. Black and white is okay in moderation.
5. You can't photograph just anything, but there are a lot of objects and scenes that aren't off indie kid limits. Examples include concerts, indie friends, antique cars, your outfit for the day, record players, wheat fields, and anything related to owls.
6. Photos aren't actually worth a thousand words, so you'll need to add a few (preferably in a small white font... you know what I'm talking about). Obscure, dramatic-but-not-profound lyrics from obscure, dramatic-but-not-profound bands work best, but book quotes are fine too, like that one from Perks of Being a Wallflower about that time when the photo wasn't just a memory and the people in it had just eaten lunch or something.
7. Your photos need to be shared; that's pretty much the whole point of taking them. Facebook and Twitter work fine for that purpose, and Tumblr is good too. Just get them out there so people can marvel at your talent and how cool you are.

That's not so bad, right? Just follow these rules, and I know you'll be the coolest indie kid on the block in no time. Let me know how it works out for you.

Snap on, indie kid, snap on.

Marissa Lanae

Churched

Today I'll be reviewing Churched by Matthew Paul Turner. I expected the book to be insightful and easy to relate to, along with the sarcastic and cynical musings his blog-readers expect from him. And it completely lived up to my expectations.

Churched felt like a good journey through my childhood and was reminiscent of books like Catcher in the Rye. My growing up in a Southern Baptist church and dealing with a few fundamentalist Baptists definitely made this book easy to relate to. In his discussion of confusing matters, such as Jesus' ability to get inside our heart, Turner skillfully captures the thoughts of a child growing up in church. He tells detailed stories about his childhood, but sometimes they feel a little too detailed, as though he embellished a few things. Not that I can blame him; I certainly don't remember every conversation I had when I was five. That was the only real issue I had with the book.

He's honest and funny and very human. Every chapter is deeper and more insightful than the previous, but he never gets incredibly in depth. The surface-level musings feel appropriate, though, as Churched isn't a self-help book; it's more of a memoir. He's never shallow in his writing, but he does seem more interested in stating facts and satirizing fundamentalists than in providing deep spiritual truths.

Churched didn't resolve like I thought it would. He didn't detail his journey away from fundamentalism or talk much about the effects his childhood church have on him today. He ended the book well, just not the way I expected him to.

This book is an easy read, and certainly one I recommend. I leave you with a quotation from an inspirational woman Matthew Paul Turner met...

"God loves you, children. He loves you more than you will ever know. Believe that and you will grow up to do beautiful things."

in commemoration...

(I know this is a little late, seeing as winter is already wrapping her fingers around this side of the world, but this past fall completely deserves to be remembered via blog).

Fall is...

that "walking down a sidewalk under grey skies" feeling

that football and poetry and quiet feeling

the backpack, jeans, and coat feeling

the book-from-a-public-library feeling

creativity and words and music and color

marble composition notebooks and hay rides and bonfires

leaves that change and fall and turn into piles for jumping

hipsters and wallflowers and homecoming queens

philosophy

slowness

togetherness

golden sun cascading down on the bare field with the hay bales

beautiful orange leaves in the gutter of the street

hipster cardigans

frozen toes, kind people, a billion second chances, and spilling my heart out on note cards

tents and stargazing and camping and s'mores

school plays and novel-writing

moments that feel like a scene from The Perks of Being a Wallflower

when the world comes to life, but in a quiet sort of way

the "mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter," in the words of Carol Bishop Hipps.

Fall Break Fun

Hey friends!

Today is the last day of my Fall Break. I was supposed to visit my In-Mayberry-Living friend Hannah this weekend, but it didn't work out. Bummer. She's supposed to visit in December though! Aside from those plans falling through, I've had a pretty nice break. It hasn't been super relaxing because I've had to work on a few things for school and we've been cleaning our disgusting house all weekend, but it's still nice to have some semblance of a break, you know.

On Friday I got to spend some time with my lovely friend Kendyl. We went to the football game at her school. It was really fun; she lives in this little town and everyone walks to the football games. And it felt somewhat fall-ish. And we won by a lot. After the game we walked to her place of residence and watched about ten zillion episodes of The Office. So great.

On Saturday I had my first Rita's experience. It was wonderful. It really was "Ice. Custard. Happiness." just like they promised. Sunday we went to church (for a few minutes, at least) and to lunch with the family. It was my dad's birthday so he went golfing and we had some birthday festivities when he came home. So far today I've pretty much just been reading the paper for Knowledge Bowl. Fun times. I still have 7 things left on my to-do list. At least it's only 12:30!

Forgive the awkward layout of my blog right now. I'm a little challenged when it comes to all these layouts and formats and such. I'm trying to get it fixed though.

In other news, school is going really well. I'm learning a lot and meeting some really nice people. Best/hardest year yet. I also quit band: good call. I'm trying to, you know, keep chill and enjoy all the mundane things.

In approximately 20 days I will embark on my first novel-writing journey as part of National Novel Writing Month. I'll have 30 days to write a 50,000-word novel. I'm so stoked but I'm sure it's going to be rather intense. Goodbye sleep, for sure. If you would like to participate, just go to http://ywp.nanowrimo.org and sign up!

Well, I should be going. Have a good day!

Much Love,

Marissa

Facts

Oh, hey there folks. It's been a super duper crazy long time since I've written on here.

I was just listening to some of For Today's new stuff. It's really amazing. I've definitely been slightly in love with them lately. I mean, the vocals are extraordinary, the lyrics are beautiful, challenging, and convicting, and the music is just stunning. What's not to love?

Speaking of music, I got to see Since Forever tonight! My friend Maddie invited them to play at her house for her birthday. They were really good. They did this amazing cover of one Mayday Parade's songs, along with lots of their original songs of course. Live music really is one of the greatest things in the galaxy.

So I started back to school a few weeks ago. It's going pretty well, but between school and band, I am insanely busy. Thank goodness for a day off on Monday!

I was thinking last week about how boring my life is. I mean, I always hear people talking about their plans and their lives and their friends and I doubt they wake up thinking to themselves, "Wow, my life is so exciting! I love my exciting life. I bet other people are really jealous of me because of how exciting my life is," but still. Anyways, I saw this quote on this precious book I bought a few weeks ago, and it's changed my perspective a bit.

"Boredom is a matter of not paying attention, of waiting for life to jump out at you rather than hunting it."- Rebecca Solnit

Isn't that true? We close our eyes to so much. We forget to breathe in everything around us and breathe in every moment. And I don't want to live my life waiting for the next moment. So I've started a list of all the goofy little things that are exciting to me...like attending my first football game at a public high school and stepping on a dead armadillo and dropping my first Gigi's cupcake. I told you they were goofy. ;)

The weather in the HL has been a bit awkward lately. The past two nights I've literally felt cold and in need of a jacket...ah, heaven. But if it does not rain here soon, I may go insane. I hate sunshine a lot...it's so annoying and depressing and hot. Fall is kind of an annoying time of year. Especially on Saturdays. A) It's usually cold, which is great except... B) It's usually sunny. C) Band competitions are kind of annoying. D) Football. E) That just generally weird feeling/vibe you (or maybe just I) get on Saturdays.

Well, I guess that's all. Just wanted to give you guys an update and a taste of all the things that have been running through my mind lately. Thanks for reading!

Much Love,

Marissa

Speaking of updates...

Hi friends!

I keep thinking of all these things I want to blog about but I haven't gotten around to any of them, so I figured I would just write something. Just writing something is important, you know. I'm sort of reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, and that's one of the things she emphasizes: just writing something, getting something down on paper. I've definitely been trying to make writing a priority lately; it really is good for the soul. And it's easy too; you can just sit down and write about how important writing is and voila! you've written something. Pretty cool.

I would like to warn you that this post will likely be boring and terrible. Boring because my life is not that exciting or dramatic. Terrible because I'm really tired, but I'm trying to resist a nap so I'll sleep well tonight. Oh dear, I think I'm turning into a mom blogger...posting every detail of my sleep patterns. However, if you've ever read a mom blog, you know that it could be much worse than just sleep pattern discussion.

Speaking of sleep, I have to sleep well tonight so I can get up bright and early and go to band camp. Forty-four hours of band camp this week. Forty-four grueling hours. Thankfully, those forty-four hours are pretty much all that stand between me and seeing my beloved sister for the first time in ages. I miss her so very much. Ten weeks without her is just not right.

Speaking of being without people, one of my close friends moved away last week. She says the town is practically Mayberry. Population: 2,000. The high school holds 200 kids. The church holds 100. Her dad's the new pastor of one of the two churches there. To get to Wal-Mart, you have to drive over a mountain. I so can't wait to visit her, hopefully soon! I would very much like for this "people Marissa loves moving away" trend to end soon.

So... I started a garden yesterday. Then my dog dug up half my plants. Also, my mom forgot to tell me some important things regarding gardening, so now I have to dig up my flowers and start again. How delightful.

To offset that incredibly grandma-ish paragraph, I feel the need to say that Underoath is coming near here in 13 days. I really, really, really, really want to see them. Like, it's on my bucket list and everything. Also, I feel the need to see them before any other key members leave. Speaking of concerts, I saw Every Avenue, Amely, The Secret Handshake, Maika from There for Tomorrow, and Sing It Loud a few weeks ago. Everyone except Every Avenue was really awesome, especially Maika and The Secret Handshake.

Well, I'm going to go start on that to-do list of mine now. Have a good day.

Much Love,

Marissa

Book Club 2010, Session 6

1. Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott

Review: Anne Lamott has become one of my favorite writers. I like her style and her honesty. She feels like an aunt or a mentor to me. She weaves humor and deep truths together to create brilliant works of literature, this book being one such work.

Quotations: "I knew that if you had the eyes to see, there was beauty everywhere, even when nature was barren or sloppy, and not just when God had tarted things up for spring."

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"This culture's pursuit of beauty is a crazy, sick, losing game. The only way to win is to stay off the court. No matter how much of our time is spent in pursuit of physical beauty, even to great success, the Mirror on the Wall will always say, 'Snow White lives,' and this is in fact a lie - Snow White is a fairy tale. Lies cannot nourish or protect you. Only freedom from fear, freedom from lies, can make us beautiful, and keep us safe."

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"You want to know how big God's love is? The answer is: it's very big. It's bigger than you're comfortable with."

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"Then I figured we probably shared the same human condition: we went to plays we couldn't follow, we worried when we had to pee and there was no bathroom around, we fell into moods, both hopelessness and random silliness. The specifics might be different, but not the essence. We're not so special. That's the good and bad news."

2. It's Not About Me by Max Lucado

Review: I am pretty much the most selfish person I know, so I thought this book would be really helpful. I'm really not a huge fan of the book, but the Lord definitely allowed me to read it at the time I read it for a purpose and I'm thankful for that. Don't get me wrong, it had some good theology and all, but sometimes it was needlessly repetitive and the writing just wasn't that great.

Quotations: "The world does not revolve around us. Our comfort is not God's priority."

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"If you think it's all about you, and I think it's all about me, we have no hope for getting along. What would happen if we took our places and played our parts in this universe? If we played the parts God gave us to play?"

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"In heaven, God won't ask how many times we read the Bible, but did we put our love into action."

3. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Review: I liked this book a lot. Wilde is great at expressing his opinions through his characters. Dorian is so perfect on the outside, but he's hiding his flaws and that leads to his destruction. Those are definitely things I have learned over the past few months: not judging by appearance (because we really are all equally screwed up) and confessing struggles to people who will hold me accountable.

Quotations: "Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing."

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"I love him because he is like what Love himself should be. But what does he see in me? I am not worthy of him. And yet -why, I cannot tell- though I feel so much beneath him, I don't feel humble. I feel proud, terribly proud."

4. Forgotten God by Francis Chan

Review: This book definitely challenged me and changed aspects of how I think. I read this book about the Holy Spirit, we're studying the Holy Spirit at church, and I'm reading Acts which is chocked full of the Spirit. I think the Lord might possibly be trying to teach me something. ;) I get so frustrated sometimes because of how impossible it is to obey God, but I've been learning how much power the Spirit gives and that is so encouraging.

Quotations: "The Spirit is more obviously active in places where people are desperate for Him, humbled before Him, and not distracted by their pursuit of wealth or comforts."

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"It is easy to use the phrase 'God's will for my life' as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It's much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It's safer to commit to following Him someday instead of this day."

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"I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I a desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed."

Jesus and Jeremiah 29:11

Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This is a verse that a lot of people claim as their "life verse."

I see it on key chains and t-shirts all the time around graduation season.

I see it on Facebook statuses and coffee mugs.

But...well, I wonder if it means what we usually think it means. I've always thought it meant that we would go to a good college, get a cushy job, live in a fancy house, meet the perfect person, get married, have four beautiful children, and live happily ever after. That scenario certainly screams prosperity, lack of harm, hope, and future...at least from a worldly standpoint.

John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Those, and many, many other, verses speak of the certainty and value of trials and hardships and suffering. Jesus rebukes the rich young ruler and tells him to sell everything he owns.

So I'm starting to think that the prosperity won't come in this lifetime and that our hope is in the next life.

Maybe everyone else has already thought about these things and I'm late to the party, but these are some things I started thinking about the other day. I'd definitely love to hear you input.

Well, that's all. Thanks for reading.

Relationships, Dating, and Marriage...oh my!

Relationships

Put in the right circumstance, I think we could love and/or bond with nearly anyone, so are all relationships circumstantial? I mean, if someone else were my mother, would I be as close to the other person as I am to my current mother, or is my mom's specific personality a huge factor in determining how well we get along? Family relationships are thrust on us from birth, and we learn to adapt to them, to the crazy habits our parents and siblings have. Can we do that with friendships and other types of relationships? Do we just give up too soon? Could we date/marry anyone and eventually learn to love that person? If so, what exactly is so special about relationships? When I think about all my closest relationships, it seems as though they all just happened. The "infatuation chemicals" in our brains kind of ruin the whole choosing vs. adapting theory. Our brain tells us who we like; we don't choose. And because we are generally inclined to think that this particular person hung the moon and invented sliced bread, there isn't a ton we adapt to. And as far as marriage goes, do we really need those "Things I want in a spouse" lists? Could anyone become the "perfect person" with a bit of time and grace?

Dating

What is dating? I would really like to know. I've been thinking about for a while, but I became even more confused the other night when I saw a Facebook status that said, "I'm finally dating the most amazing guy. He's always been my best friend and now we're together" or something along those lines. It made me wonder what changed. How is their relationship today different from their relationship the other day? Is dating a commitment? It can't be or people wouldn't break up. Is it based on emotion? That's part of it, but I'm sure everyone has liked someone but never officially "dated" that person, whatever that is. Is dating based on words? That's the only conclusion I have reached. Dating relationships usually begin with words like"Will you go out with me?" and end with words like "It's not you; it's me." Even wedding vows are just words. Are words really a good foundation for dating relationships? Are they even the real foundation? I've heard that dating is just preparation for divorce. I've also heard that dating helps us to discern what kind of person we should marry, which leads me to my next point...

Marriage

What exactly is the point of marriage? Oh, I know it's God-ordained and the first institution and necessary for being fruitful and multiplying and all that, but I mean what more is there? A few weeks ago some friends of mine informed me that every girl's dream is to get married. I'm pretty sure that's false. My dad says that marriage isn't something to fret over or dread; it's just a normal part of life. It's not the fulfillment of a lifelong dream or the answer to a problem; it's just something most people have to do. I guess that makes some sort of sense, at least more sense than people giving me bewildered looks because my goal in life isn't to get married.

In Conclusion

Well, these are just some things I've been pondering for the past few weeks. I look forward to learning more about relationships and coming up with new questions and continuing to learn how to love my neighbor and not be so cynical. I hope you could follow this post; it was a little on the stream-of-conscious side. Also, I'd love to hear your insights regarding these matters.

Hi hello

Hello friends!

It's finally summer! For the past week I've been sitting on my Granny's couch reading and napping to my little heart's content. I think I'm still catching up on all the sleep I've lost this past year. It can get a little boring but no worries. I have a packed schedule starting Monday. I leave for the beach on Monday. I slightly hate the beach, but I also slightly love it. Hopefully it won't be too humid because humidity just makes me want to sit in an air-conditioned room. Or cry. Whichever is available. Then I leave the following Monday to be a camp counselor at kids camp. I'm a little nervous about this seeing as I am horrible with children, but hopefully I'll learn some patience or something good like that. Haha. I hope I don't tell those poor innocent children something terrible that will scar them for the rest of their lives.

After I get back from that trip, my family and I are heading to Orlando! We're going to chill at Disney World, Sea World, Space coast, the beach, and hopefully some other fun places. Everyone is half looking forward to it and half-dreading it. However, I have decided that even if we are exhausted and stressed and only get to ride the dumb rides and the beach is closed because a whale decided to park itself on the shore, we are going to trick ourselves into thinking we are having the time of our lives. I'm not entirely sure how this will be accomplished, but I'll let you know how it goes. Also, we are total WDW newbies (my dad taught me that little acronym; he's been reading lots of message boards in preparation for our trip) so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

As you may know, yesterday was Memorial Day. It was the loneliest day I think I have ever had. My father agreed with me that we really need to find some friends or something. We are so pathetic. I make for a terrible only child. My mom has this awful eye infection so she's kind of been sitting around all miserable-like. On the bright side (although it does show the extent of my loneliness and it makes for a terrible pun), I made a firefly friend. I didn't exactly name him, but he was my swinging buddy. Also, I convinced my father to grow a goatee/soul patch. It looks nice so far. I did that because he loves chopping down trees and I wanted him to have that whole lumberjack look going for him. I'm pretty happy about his new hobby A) because fallen trees are really cool and B) he's saving some of the big chunks for me to carve and/or paint.

I need to update you all on my movie life. For the past few years, I've been disappointed in pretty much every movie I've seen. I always think I want to see some goofy chick flick, but I'm always let down. I talked to my sister about this and she suggested that I view some other genres of films because perhaps chick flicks are not my cup of tea. I took her expert advice, and I have to say, I think she was right. I watched 2012 which was absolutely ridiculous. It was super cheesy and the world didn't even end. It still wasn't too bad though. I also watched Sherlock Holmes. That one was really good. Suspenseful. I finally saw The Lightning Thief. I'd heard it wasn't good so I didn't expect too much from it. Otherwise I would've been disappointed. It wasn't horrible by any means, but they really did leave out some crucial parts. I would have been lost if I hadn't read the book. Also, what is up with Grover? He was a total perv. They tried way too hard to make him fit the typical black-guy-in-movie stereotype. He was so not like that in the book.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but Underoath is my absolute favorite band. Ever. Of all time. I've been in love with them for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, their drummer departed and now he's focusing on his little side band. His side band is not terrible by any means, but man, Underoath is just perfect and they owe a lot of that perfection to Aaron (the drummer). At least I think they do. I'm nervous about the record they're recording. It just makes me sad. I've been listening to a lot of Deas Vail, The Devil Wears Prada, and Mayday Parade lately. My taste in music is so not impressive, haha.

Well, thanks for reading!

Much Love,

Marissa Lanae

Book Club 2010, Session 5

1. Caught in a Still Place by Jonathan Lerner

Review: To be perfectly honest, I still haven't the faintest clue what this book is about. Apparently some sort of plague came and destroyed most of the population of the world except for in this one little place. Then its inhabitants have to survive, and mostly they just walk around without clothes, make out, and have melodramatic conversations. Then the book just ends. I caught on to a few themes on the importance of teaching the future generations the right things, but other than that, it was just kind of a quick little pointless book.

Quotations: "Spending time with kids generally gives me the creeps."

"'How do you feel?'

'Fine. Like I'm standing at the bottom of a stairway and I don't know where it goes. But getting ready to go up.'"

2) The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Review: I'm not entirely certain what I should say about this one. It was great to be sure, but it was a little on the scandalous side. However, it's easy to read and the writing style is quite nice. I loved the parts I could relate to, and overall it was just a precious book.

Quotes: "So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

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"We accept the love we think we deserve."

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"I just listened to the music, and breathed in the day, and remembered things. Things like walking around the neighborhood and looking at the houses and the lawns and the colorful trees and having that be enough."

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"Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it."

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"Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."

3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Review: This book is by far one of the quirkiest books I've ever read. It's extremely funny in kind of a British comedy meets science fiction meets The Office way. Reading this piece of literature was also pleasurable because the voice in my head read it in a British accent the entire time. So great.

Quotations: "'You know,' said Arthur, 'it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to do of asphyxiation in a deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.'

'Why, what did she tell you?'

'I don't know, I didn't listen.'

'Oh.' Ford carried on humming.

'This is terrific,' Arthur thought to himself, 'Nelson's Column has gone, McDonald's has gone, all that's left is me and the words Mostly Harmless. Any second now all that will be left is Mostly Harmless. And yesterday the planet seemed to be going so well.'"

My Thoughts on Loneliness

I think we all exist in cages. I believe we are all alone in many ways, but we are alone... together. It isn't that we can't relate to each other or communicate or interact with one another, it's just something keeps us from truly being together. Even after the most intensely honest conversations that make me think, "Wow, I'm not alone," I still leave and go my own way. I'm still alone in ways. I'm not magically conjoined to the other person after we pour our hearts out. I'm not saying we should give up on relationships out of despair and isolate ourselves. There is a difference between isolation and solitude. Solitude is refreshing, whereas isolation is exhausting. Solitude is enjoyable, whereas isolation is miserable. In the words of Paul Tillich, “Language... has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.”

Being a Christian doesn't mean that our cages are broken, but perhaps someone joins us and unites with us, someone who won't abandon us. Even though sometimes we can't feel Him, I believe He's always there. I believe this because He didn't abandon us at the crucifixion -the one time everyone would've understood if He had just left us- and He isn't leaving us now. Ultimately I think Jesus is the only one who understands us, at least on that unknowable, unexplainable level on which our deepest thoughts and most indescribable emotions lie. I think when we get to heaven our cages will melt away and we will all float around like little fireflies, dancing and laughing and enjoying our freedom. Until them I'm going to appreciate the separation. After all, we would probably hurt each other a lot more if we were free on this planet.

We just have to deal with some things on our own. Sometimes to articulate our thoughts is to take away the beauty and magic of them.

Have you ever noticed that it's always the people who say they'll always be there for you are the ones who aren't really there at all? Or maybe we just notice it more when they aren't there because they actually verbalized a promise of their presence. Or maybe we just put a lot of pressure on them and it hurts when they don't do something that is, in fact, impossible.

I think it's good to come to terms with our "aloneness," with our cages, and with ourselves. Relationships can be so wonderful, but we tend to disappoint each other and we just have to accept that. That is all.

What happens when you spend your free time reading the dictionary...

I do not claim to be the smartest or most grammatically correct person who ever lived. I frequently mess up words and forget where commas go and say things like, "That's the place where..." However, I have spent a good deal of time reading the dictionary and perusing doctorgrammar.com, so I feel like I can speak with some authority on these two matters.

1) Alumni.

This one is a pretty big deal lately because lots of people are graduating. I would just like to point out that you alone are not an alumni. Alumni is plural. You are either an alumnus or an alumna. So to all the people with the "I can't believe I'm an alumni" Facebook status I would just like to say this: don't believe it because you're not.

2) Newfoundland

It is not New-fownd-laynd, it is New-fun-lund. Just because we are from the south does not mean we can pronounce it like hillbillies.

Well, I hope this post was enlightening.

Much Love,

Marissa

Spring Fever

Hello friends!

So...days like today make me genuinely miss homeschooling (and I've used the word "genuinely" at least 4 times today...weird...). We have 16 days of school left. And I'm really trying to keep chill about the end of the year. I really am. You know, school comes, school goes, it's expensive, I don't want to be unappreciative, I should try hard. Thoughts like that. However, most of my college and homeschool friends are just living free and easy, just chillin', ya know. And I'm crammed in itsy bitsy classrooms allll day. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think my pursuit of knowledge should end on the last day of school, but I'm ready to be able to read whatever I want and have my own schedule and learn what I want to learn. And it doesn't help that everyone is being super-dramatic. I mean, really kids, you need to learn what is your business and what is not. And then it doesn't help that my competitive nature very much so displays itself in academics, and lately I have been consistently realizing how dumb I am and how smart pretty much everyone else is. I swear, some people are just born smart and some people are just not. I most definitely fall into the latter category. So right now I should really be disciplined and go study or something, but man, I just want to do anything but that. And of course all these frustrations have reminded me of all the things I hate about the school system in general. But that is another post for another time.

And oh man, this time of year just makes me so much more restless than usual. But I will not make the same mistake as last year and read Searching for God Knows What. An entire book dedicated to one man's journey up the west coast. Great thing to read this time of year.

Well, I am off to attempt to study. I will get through this. After all, school comes, school goes.

Much Love,

Marissa Lanae

P.S. I'm sorry for starting almost every sentence with "And" or "But." Haha.

Book Club 2010, Session 4

This whole post is dedicated to the one book I read in April. The name of it is Walden, and it is by Henry David Thoreau. It's honestly an incredible book. Thoreau is incredibly deep, brilliant, and detailed (though sometimes a bit too detailed, just saying). Thoreau is really funny without meaning to be; the whole 19th century style/wording just makes me laugh. I recommend this one.

Well, that's all for my review. Now for the quotes. Sorry there are so many; I can't help that he's brilliant and quote-worthy.

"By a seeming fate, commonly called necessity, they are employed, as it says in an old book, laying up treasures which moth and rust will corrupt and thieves break through and steal. It is a fool's life, as they will find when they get to the end of it, if not before."

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"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things."

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"What old people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can. Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new."

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"We are made to exaggerate the importance of what work we do; and yet how much is not done by us! How vigilant we are! determined not to live by faith if we can avoid it; all the day long on the alert, at night we unwillingly say our prayers and commit ourselves to uncertainties. So thoroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change. This is the only way, we say; but there are as many ways as can be drawn radii from a centre. All change is a miracle to contemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant."

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"To be a philosopher is... to love wisdom as to live according to its dictates, a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust. It is to solve the problems of life, not only theoretically. but practically. They make shift to live merely by conformity, practically as their fathers did, and are in no sense the progenitors of a nobler race of men. But why do men degenerate ever?What makes families run out? What is the nature of the luxury which enervates and destroys nations? Are we sure that there is none of it in our own lives? The philosopher is in advance of his age even in the outward form of his life. He is not fed, sheltered, clothed, warmed, like his contemporaries. How can a man be a philosopher and not maintain his vital heat by better methods than other men?"

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"In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high."

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"No doubt another may also think for me; but it is not therefore desirable that he should do so to the exclusion of my thinking for myself."

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"I desire that there may be as many different persons in the world as possible; but I would have each one be very careful to find out and pursue his own way, and not his father's or his mother's or his neighbor's instead."

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"The devil finds employment for the idle."

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"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root, and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount of time and money on the needy is doing the most by his mode of life to produce that misery which he strikes in vain to relieve. It is the pious slave-breeder devoting the proceeds of every tenth slave to buy a Sunday's liberty for the rest. You boast of spending a tenth part of your income in charity, maybe you should spend the nine tenths so, and done with it."

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"Philanthropy is almost the only virtue which is sufficiently appreciated by mankind. Nay, it is greatly overrated; and it is our selfishness which overrates it... I would not subtract anything from the praise that is due yo philanthropy, but merely demand justice for all who by their lives and works are a blessing to mankind. His goodness must not be a partial and transitory act, but a constant superfluity, which costs nothing and of which he is unconscious. This is a charity that hides a multitude of sins. The philanthropist too often surrounds mankind with the remembrance of his own cast-off griefs as an atmosphere, and calls it sympathy. We should impart our courage, and not our despair, our health and ease, and not our disease, and take care that this does not spread by contagion. I never knew, and never shall know, a worse man than myself."

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"Rescue the drowning and tie your shoestrings. Take your time, and set about some free labor."

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"There is nowhere recorded a simple and irrepressible satisfaction with the gift of life. All health and success does me good, however far off and withdrawn it may appear; all disease and failure helps to make me sad and does me evil, however much sympathy it may have with me or I with it. If, then, we would indeed restore mankind by truly Indian, botanic, magnetic, or natural means, let us first be as simple and well as Nature ourselves, dispel the clouds which hang over our own brows, and take up a little life into our pores... endeavor to become one of the worthies of the world."

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Oh man, I could go on and on, but I don't want to spoil the book for you. Go read it! :)

Mocha Club

Hello friends!

I recently joined Mocha Club! I'm super excited, and I would love for you to join me in this exciting adventure. Mocha Club is an organization that provides food, education, water, and medical care for folks living in Africa who can't quite get those things for themselves. It's pretty easy to join. All you have to do is sign up! It's 7 bucks a month, and they take it straight from your bank account so you don't have to worry about keeping up with your payments and such. I know I sound like an infomercial, but I'm just really stoked about being a part of this. I created my own team and chose to support projects that help orphans and vulnerable children. If you would like to join my team (and I know you would), go to http://mochaclub.org/joinme/waterlover. The name of my team is The Narwhals. :)

Much Love,

Marissa Lanae

Book Club 2010, Session 3

I have a confession to make; I did not finish reading a single book the entire month of March. I'm actually still reading the book I started in March, but you'll understand why it's taking so long once I write my review. It's pretty intense. I wouldn't bother posting this, but I din't want to get the numbers off and end up only having 11 sessions.

Dreams, Nightmares, and Zombies

There are two things you should know about me.

First, I was never born. It's true. No one in my family remembers a thing about the day I was born. I've never even seen my birth certificate. Maybe I was just adopted.

Second, I'm secretly an old lady. It's true. I am the slowest person on the planet. I'm a slow learner, runner, walker, worker, talker, etc. I absolutely love going to bed super early. I drink coffee and tea almost religiously. I knit often. I have ridiculous old-lady medical issues.

Perhaps these two things are interconnected. Maybe I was never born, I just came into the world as an old lady. That'd be cool.

Also, zombies really scare me. You see, yesterday I was working on my insanely-long books-to-read-over-summer-break list, and I came across this book called The Zombie Survival Guide. At first I was ecstatic. It looked pretty much awesome and hilarious. I was planning it all out in my mind, how incredible reading this would be. Until, that is, it was time for bed. I was pretty delirious to begin with. And my room was a wreck, which always messes with my brain. Anyways, I got in bed and dozed off. Then suddenly I woke up completely disoriented. And terrified. I could hardly breathe. I think I had a nightmare. My first nightmare and I don't even remember it. Awesome. I'm sure it had something to do with zombies though. Those jokers are haunting me. To top it off, some of my sister's friends randomly decide to come to our house at one o'clock this morning. Crazy, crazy morning.

I was about to write about how annoying school-haters are. And those people who think they're really educated because they read those dumb books written by folks from shows on MTV. But then I remembered that usually when I say things like that, I end up doing the exact same things they do. So for the sake of my love of education and good books, I will refrain.

K-LOVE's pledge drive is getting a little ridiculous. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I used to love their pledge drives, but now they just make me cringe. On the bright side, I've had the opportunity to get acquainted with our local public radio station. It is so awesome. The DJ's are so awkward and funny, but they totally don't mean to be. It's great. They play absolutely everything except that awful mainstream junk. So for everyone in my surrounding area, you should listen to 89.9, aka WEVL.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I've been working on/planning out a bunch of new posts, so maybe I can get them on here this weekend.

Thanks for reading all about my weird life. :)

Much Love,

Marissa

A Walk in the Park

Hello, friends!

The other day my friend Autumn and I took a delightful walk. I decided to post a few pictures from our journey. I'm a little proud of some of these. :) I just wish they were bigger. Oh well. Enjoy!

Pain

Pain.

I see it everywhere I go.

I see it in my life and in the lives of others.

I see it falling down the cheeks of people as they tell me their stories of abuse and heartache.

I hear it in the quavering voices of people who have lost loved ones.

I see it in a million different ways in the lives of friends who come from families broken by divorce.

I see the unbelievable masks we hide behind.

I see it on scarred wrists.

I see it in the eyes of little children who are forced to starve.

I see it in the way we masochistically pursue things we know will destroy us.

I see it in our greed.

I see it in how tightly we can cling to our brokenness.

I see it in pessimism and optimism.

Lately I have heard stories of pain so raw and unfathomable that I wonder if there could possibly be any hope or comfort. Yet I'm learning to truly believe in and see redemption, restoration, and hope. Sharing stories of trial and hurt, in those beautiful, horrifying moments of vulnerability, has brought a deeper sense of community to my life. As Paul Tournier once said, "Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." Perhaps it is pain that binds us. I'm learning to hurt with the hurting and not selfishly focus on the things in my life, whether those things are good or bad. I'm learning to pray passionately for comfort and peace for everyone who's hurting.

Sometimes the weight of the evil and suffering in the world threatens to crush me. It threatens to suppress my hope, but I know there is hope. I know there is healing and closure and restoration. And beauty. Breathtaking, awe-inspiring beauty. Beauty that pain alone opens our eyes to and allows us to see. Perhaps not today. Perhaps today we are blind. But someday we will see and feel the substance to the shadow that is our hope.

Much Love,

Marissa

I lead such an exciting life...

Hello, friends!

I am currently on Spring break, and I'm a wee bit excited about that. My beautiful sister is finally home! I can't believe 9 weeks of school are already over. They flew by. I think this is the first time I've ever been content with my grades at the end of a quarter. I'm going to Nashville tomorrow with the family. (Actually, I guess technically it's today). Then I leave for Gulfport bright and early Monday morning, which happens to be the date of my birth. Woo! I always kind of hate birthdays, but maybe it won't be too terrible this year. I finally saw New Moon tonight. It was the cheesiest thing I've ever seen, although my sister said Twilight was worse. I still haven't seen all of Twilight. I've been on this crazy Mayday Parade/Search the City/Ivoryline/Emery kick lately. It's pretty pathetic. In case you didn't know, Sunday is Pi Day! Actually, I'm not really that excited. I used to think it was really cool and all, but then everyone else started celebrating it and it lost its cool factor. Same with those obnoxious Facebook Fan Pages. They make me feel so cliche. It's rather annoying. So tonight my sister, her friend, and I had some time to spend before the movie, so we went to this glorious place called Harbor Town. We felt like we were on the set of a movie or in some really cool northern state. We took a trail through some woodsy areas. It was absolutely beautiful. My sister and I were discussing the weather the other day. Well, actually we were discussing how annoying it when people update their Facebook statuses about the weather. They're always either really disgusted by it or just a little bit too excited about it. Learn to appreciate it all, folks! I've been meeting with a speech therapist for the past few weeks to try to get over all this neurological junk. I'm making so much progress. It's crazy. The first week I literally just sat in my teensy tiny little chair and cried my eyes out for a good half-hour. This week I didn't cry at all, and she gave me an A plus. ha. Of course, some of the things she's telling me to do are totally messing with my TMJ, but I'm going to a TMJ specialist in a few weeks so it's all good. I can't believe that, after 8 long months, I'm finally almost healthy. Well, at least for a little while, then I'm sure something else will come up.

So...I really need to clean, pack, and get some sleep.

Well, thanks for reading this random, disorganized, slightly delirious post about things that you probably don't care about.

Much Love,

Marissa

With All Due Respect

I think guys and girls should come to some sort of agreement.

I think we need to have some mutual respect for each other.

Most girls hate all guys until one guy who knows what to say comes along, swoons her, and they "fall in love." Upon realizing that this particular guy did not hang the stars and will not always be there for her, the girl reverts back to hating every male on the face of the earth.

So on and so forth.

Most guys have no respect for girls until they see one they want to make out with. Upon realizing that she's a bad kisser or whatever, the guy reverts back to disrespecting every girl on the face of the earth.

So on and so forth.

We're both to blame.

Girls

I hear a lot of girls throw around the phrase "Boys are stupid" like it's just some meaningless cliche. I don't think it's right to degrade every male simply because a few of them have hurt you. I even hear girls say things like, "Boys are stupid. God is the only guy I need." I'm just not sure God approves of that. That's a pretty jerky/unloving thing to say. It also implies that God is taking the place of a guy, and, no matter how many depressed single ladies have told me otherwise, I just don't think God wants to be my boyfriend. He's bigger and cooler than that. I don't think guys are stupid. I think they, like us, make mistakes and need patience, not disrespect.

Guys

We are not bags of dirt. I'm not sure if what you guys do is worse or if it just irks me more because I'm being affected by it. Either way, it has to stop. It's really stupid how you can talk about your ex-girlfriend like she's not even human, then turn on enough charm to convince your current love interest that you're not a sleazebag. Oh, and it's pretty cool when you say unspeakable things about us then talk about Jesus or shrug it off by saying, "Well, you talk about us like that." Um, no. It doesn't work like that. You don't get to be total pervs and say whatever you want to say about us. I've had the opportunity to talk to guys who truly are striving to respect and protect us girls, and I appreciate that more than I can say. But to the rest of you: Grow up. Please.

So let's come to an agreement right now.

Let's all agree to respect each other even when that isn't deserved or reciprocated.

Book Club 2010, Session 2

1. The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne

Review: Wow. I can't get over this book. It's like he climbed inside my head, organized my thoughts, and put them on paper. Really, really good. He covered everything from poverty and war to mega-churches and the prayer of Jabez. I definitely recommend this one.

Favorite Quotations: "I used to be cool. And then I met Jesus and He wrecked my life."

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"I remember hearing about an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'Well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question.' Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are My body, My hands, My feet.'"

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"Jesus warns people of the cost of discipleship, that it will cost them everything they have ever hoped for and believed in- their biological families, their possessions, even their very lives. He warns them to count the cost before putting their hand to the plow. And Jesus allows people to walk away."

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And many, many more. Seriously, you should read it.

2. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

Review: Funny and insightful. Good read.

Favorite Quotations: "A human life is like a single letter of the alphabet. It can be meaningless. Or it can be a part of a great meaning."

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"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."

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"The thing about light is that it really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself."

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"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

3. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

Review: I feel slightly poser-ish for reading this after everyone else already has...and after the movie has already come out. Regardless, I really liked it. I kind of expected to hate it, but I really didn't. I literally almost cried toward the end. I am such a girl.

Thanks for reading.

Much Love,

Marissa

Beautiful