Pain

Pain.

I see it everywhere I go.

I see it in my life and in the lives of others.

I see it falling down the cheeks of people as they tell me their stories of abuse and heartache.

I hear it in the quavering voices of people who have lost loved ones.

I see it in a million different ways in the lives of friends who come from families broken by divorce.

I see the unbelievable masks we hide behind.

I see it on scarred wrists.

I see it in the eyes of little children who are forced to starve.

I see it in the way we masochistically pursue things we know will destroy us.

I see it in our greed.

I see it in how tightly we can cling to our brokenness.

I see it in pessimism and optimism.

Lately I have heard stories of pain so raw and unfathomable that I wonder if there could possibly be any hope or comfort. Yet I'm learning to truly believe in and see redemption, restoration, and hope. Sharing stories of trial and hurt, in those beautiful, horrifying moments of vulnerability, has brought a deeper sense of community to my life. As Paul Tournier once said, "Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." Perhaps it is pain that binds us. I'm learning to hurt with the hurting and not selfishly focus on the things in my life, whether those things are good or bad. I'm learning to pray passionately for comfort and peace for everyone who's hurting.

Sometimes the weight of the evil and suffering in the world threatens to crush me. It threatens to suppress my hope, but I know there is hope. I know there is healing and closure and restoration. And beauty. Breathtaking, awe-inspiring beauty. Beauty that pain alone opens our eyes to and allows us to see. Perhaps not today. Perhaps today we are blind. But someday we will see and feel the substance to the shadow that is our hope.

Much Love,

Marissa

I lead such an exciting life...

Hello, friends!

I am currently on Spring break, and I'm a wee bit excited about that. My beautiful sister is finally home! I can't believe 9 weeks of school are already over. They flew by. I think this is the first time I've ever been content with my grades at the end of a quarter. I'm going to Nashville tomorrow with the family. (Actually, I guess technically it's today). Then I leave for Gulfport bright and early Monday morning, which happens to be the date of my birth. Woo! I always kind of hate birthdays, but maybe it won't be too terrible this year. I finally saw New Moon tonight. It was the cheesiest thing I've ever seen, although my sister said Twilight was worse. I still haven't seen all of Twilight. I've been on this crazy Mayday Parade/Search the City/Ivoryline/Emery kick lately. It's pretty pathetic. In case you didn't know, Sunday is Pi Day! Actually, I'm not really that excited. I used to think it was really cool and all, but then everyone else started celebrating it and it lost its cool factor. Same with those obnoxious Facebook Fan Pages. They make me feel so cliche. It's rather annoying. So tonight my sister, her friend, and I had some time to spend before the movie, so we went to this glorious place called Harbor Town. We felt like we were on the set of a movie or in some really cool northern state. We took a trail through some woodsy areas. It was absolutely beautiful. My sister and I were discussing the weather the other day. Well, actually we were discussing how annoying it when people update their Facebook statuses about the weather. They're always either really disgusted by it or just a little bit too excited about it. Learn to appreciate it all, folks! I've been meeting with a speech therapist for the past few weeks to try to get over all this neurological junk. I'm making so much progress. It's crazy. The first week I literally just sat in my teensy tiny little chair and cried my eyes out for a good half-hour. This week I didn't cry at all, and she gave me an A plus. ha. Of course, some of the things she's telling me to do are totally messing with my TMJ, but I'm going to a TMJ specialist in a few weeks so it's all good. I can't believe that, after 8 long months, I'm finally almost healthy. Well, at least for a little while, then I'm sure something else will come up.

So...I really need to clean, pack, and get some sleep.

Well, thanks for reading this random, disorganized, slightly delirious post about things that you probably don't care about.

Much Love,

Marissa

With All Due Respect

I think guys and girls should come to some sort of agreement.

I think we need to have some mutual respect for each other.

Most girls hate all guys until one guy who knows what to say comes along, swoons her, and they "fall in love." Upon realizing that this particular guy did not hang the stars and will not always be there for her, the girl reverts back to hating every male on the face of the earth.

So on and so forth.

Most guys have no respect for girls until they see one they want to make out with. Upon realizing that she's a bad kisser or whatever, the guy reverts back to disrespecting every girl on the face of the earth.

So on and so forth.

We're both to blame.

Girls

I hear a lot of girls throw around the phrase "Boys are stupid" like it's just some meaningless cliche. I don't think it's right to degrade every male simply because a few of them have hurt you. I even hear girls say things like, "Boys are stupid. God is the only guy I need." I'm just not sure God approves of that. That's a pretty jerky/unloving thing to say. It also implies that God is taking the place of a guy, and, no matter how many depressed single ladies have told me otherwise, I just don't think God wants to be my boyfriend. He's bigger and cooler than that. I don't think guys are stupid. I think they, like us, make mistakes and need patience, not disrespect.

Guys

We are not bags of dirt. I'm not sure if what you guys do is worse or if it just irks me more because I'm being affected by it. Either way, it has to stop. It's really stupid how you can talk about your ex-girlfriend like she's not even human, then turn on enough charm to convince your current love interest that you're not a sleazebag. Oh, and it's pretty cool when you say unspeakable things about us then talk about Jesus or shrug it off by saying, "Well, you talk about us like that." Um, no. It doesn't work like that. You don't get to be total pervs and say whatever you want to say about us. I've had the opportunity to talk to guys who truly are striving to respect and protect us girls, and I appreciate that more than I can say. But to the rest of you: Grow up. Please.

So let's come to an agreement right now.

Let's all agree to respect each other even when that isn't deserved or reciprocated.

Book Club 2010, Session 2

1. The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne

Review: Wow. I can't get over this book. It's like he climbed inside my head, organized my thoughts, and put them on paper. Really, really good. He covered everything from poverty and war to mega-churches and the prayer of Jabez. I definitely recommend this one.

Favorite Quotations: "I used to be cool. And then I met Jesus and He wrecked my life."

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"I remember hearing about an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'Well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question.' Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are My body, My hands, My feet.'"

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"Jesus warns people of the cost of discipleship, that it will cost them everything they have ever hoped for and believed in- their biological families, their possessions, even their very lives. He warns them to count the cost before putting their hand to the plow. And Jesus allows people to walk away."

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And many, many more. Seriously, you should read it.

2. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

Review: Funny and insightful. Good read.

Favorite Quotations: "A human life is like a single letter of the alphabet. It can be meaningless. Or it can be a part of a great meaning."

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"Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."

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"The thing about light is that it really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself."

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"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

3. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

Review: I feel slightly poser-ish for reading this after everyone else already has...and after the movie has already come out. Regardless, I really liked it. I kind of expected to hate it, but I really didn't. I literally almost cried toward the end. I am such a girl.

Thanks for reading.

Much Love,

Marissa